Friday, May 17, 2013

Confection Conundrum

So, the other day, Google had some candy bars clearly labelled "Milky Way" in the snack kitchen.  So I had one.  And noticed something was wrong.  So I investigated and had five more, perhaps seven, but no more than nine.

It turns out, these weren't Milky Ways.  They were Three Musketeers!  Just chocolate and nougat, nothing else.  Where was the caramel?

Everyone knows the American (hence correct) Candy Bar Family Tree:

• Three Musketeers = chocolate + nougat
• Milky Way = Three Musketeers + caramel
• Mars Bar = Milky Way + almonds
• Snickers = Milky Way + peanuts

But here in the UK, it is this:

• Milky Way = chocolate + nougat
• Mars Bar = Milky Way + caramel
• Snickers = Mars Bar + peanuts
• ... and it's as if almonds don't exist!!!

Why no Three Musketeers here?  Simple -- British people can't stand that someone French wrote a good book (I'm guessing).

Either way, though, both countries have it right -- there's no point eating anything but a Snickers, king of the candy bars.

Don't even get me started on Smarties, which are nothing like their American namesakes (i.e., tiny sugar dots you only get on Halloween from the mean people's houses), but rather are stale M&Ms.  When a British person accidentally eats an actual M&M, they are heard to exclaim (i.e., speak in a completely normal tone of voice), "What's this, Guv'nor -- why doesn't this Smartie taste like it was in someone's armpit for a week?  I may accidentally smile."

Anyway, just my observances.  I'm obviously getting a lot out of being exposed to another culture.


  1. <3 <3 <3 you are hilarious.

    i had no idea there were almonds in mars bars in the us. in canada too?

    1. Canada has a whole other candy thing happening, including my favourite candy bar in the world -- the Wunderbar. Which I just found out is a UK candy bar called the Star Bar!!!